2015 Quotes of the Year

2015 Quotes of the Year

Merry Christmas! It's the most wonderful time of the year! It's that special time when we can reflect on the amazing gift of our Savior, Jesus Christ. And, of course, it's also the season to completely embarrass ourselves by publishing our family Quotes of the Year. These are actual verbatim quotes, captured in the moment, all through the year. Enjoy the madness!

Adversity

First-world problems and other trials of life.

"I mean, it's just part of life. You get old and your butt gets weird. It's inevitable." –Jack

"I don't have TIME to be patient!" – Megan

"When I fell, I got out of whack. And I don't think I'm back in whack yet." – Pam

"I'm listening as hard as I can, but when my eyes are open it takes energy away from my ears." – Tim

"I hate when I wear a cute outfit on the weekend. It's such a waste." – Cati

"I decided it was time I learned how to selfie." – Pam

"He's not geeky. He's unique-y." – Tim

"I need a tool kit to open my tool kit." – Zac

"My car says it's out of washer fluid, whatever that is. I think it's the squirty stuff." – Cati

"I walked out of Subway, pushed my unlock button, and opened my car door. When I sat down, I thought, 'Dang! I don't remember the seat being so low!' Then I looked down. 'Dang! I don't remember my car being so messy!' And then I scrambled out of there to avoid being accused of car theft." – Tim

Mental illness

It’s crazy how much this topic occupies our minds.

"Mental illness is crazy." – Tim

"Oh man. I love mental people." – Cati

"I'm happy. Even when I'm depressed, I'm happy." – Pam

"Please don't drown. I can't take the stress right now." – Pam

"Being the only sane person in the family is making me crazy." – Tim

"I never thought I'd be so excited about yanking my hair out." – Pam

"I'm not normal. But for me, that's normal. I'm normal in my non-normality." – Pam

Romance

Because love is never complicated. Right?

"Can we hold pinkies? It's too hot to hold hands." – Pam

"I understand boys. I used to be one." – Tim

"Chivalry demands that you don't cook your date." – Pam

"Dating is superior to job hunting. Hands down." – Zac

"He likes men. She likes men. They'd be perfect together." – Nate

"Stop dancing when our butts are touching." – Cati

Family togetherness

In all kinds of weather, we’ll all stick together.

"I can't wait to have kids. It'll be like having a bunch of friends who can never leave." – Jack

"It's a family tradition. Effective immediately." – Tim

"Dad! Nate's not letting me lick his back." – Zac

"I want a refund on my childhood." – Zac

"My phone smells like sweaty leg." – Jack

"We made our own deodorant a few nights ago. Smell my armpit!" – Megan

"My armpits are available." – Tim

Animal kingdom

Our family has gone to the dogs. We're still waiting for the cats to forgive us.

"I'm celebrating the day with a dog and it's a bit like having to parent a 55-pound cross between Bam Bam and the Road Runner." – Pam

"The only normal person in the family is the fish." – Tim

"I'm not sure a cat would appreciate being called 'Barkley.'" – Zac

"Marley is so cute. She's like a little potato." – Megan

"Smells are to dogs what the internet is to people." – Zac

"I literally just herded cats." – Tim

"These dogs are acting like animals." – Tim

Fine dining

Because our tastes are so refined and cultured.

"That was just a big fat plate full of fat." – Tim

"You know, the only good part about a BLT is the B." – Jack

"Rule No. 1: Don't sneeze while you're holding a cup of grape juice." – Tim

"I was shocked that peanut butter tasted like peanuts." – Pam

"Anybody want a slightly used popsicle?" – Tim

"There's a face on my tongue." – Tabby

"You know you're tired when you pour the milk before the cereal." – Cati

"What's a 'pinta'? Is that a girl bean?" – Nate

"It's all right. It's not even that bad. AHHHH! IT'S BURNING! IT'S MELTING MY FACE!" – Tim

Show biz

What do the Kardashians and The Walking Dead have in common? Keep reading to find out.

"Why do people have favorite Kardashians?" – Tim

"That's kind of cute in an 'I'm dead and I'm a zombie' kind of way." – Tim

"It's not nice to bite people's jugulars." – Cati

"What do the Kardashians and The Walking Dead have in common? They both destroy your brains." – Tim

Time, date and place

We don’t know where we’re going, but at least we’re enjoying the ride.

"Remember when nostalgia was all the rage? Ah, those were the times." – Zac

"How were we where we just were?" – Pam

"Is this where I am?" – Pam

"Are we here yet?" – Pam

"Our friends are at our friend's house, so we're going to our friend's house to get our friends." – Megan

"That hallway looks even longer than it looks." – Zac

"These are the things I thought they were. Whatever they are." – Pam

Peaceful perfection

Because violence is not the answer.

"Nate, I'm gonna punch you in the beard." – Zac

"I'm gonna beat you with this onion." – Jack

"Nate, I'm gonna yank out one of your ribs and turn it into a toothpick." – Tim

"Half of the world's problems can be solved by punching things." – Zac

"Next concussion wins." – Tim

Priorities

Because we know what's really important.

"I can't go in public with naked toes." – Pam

"I got some acne cleaner. This is like Christmas!" – Tabby

"I forgot to get dressed today." – Pam

"Now we can all poop!" – Jack

"Tomorrow's an important day. I have nine football games to watch." – Tim

"I wore an adult diaper over my pants. Guys, let me be me." – Megan

"Seminary was fun! I loved measuring the kids' elbows." – Pam

Oh, really?

Nothing gets past us.  

"Every time I think I've got it figured out, I figure out that I don't have it figured out." – Tim

"I keep getting surprised by my face because I keep forgetting it's there." – Nate

"If everyone went the speed limit, we'd all be going the speed limit." – Jack

"What is that? That's a Ferrari! How do you just have a Ferrari? Those people just went out and bought a Ferrari!" – Jack

"Why do I keep having five fingers?" – Cati

"Orchestra people are pretty high-strung." – Jack

Conversations

Even Hollywood’s best script writers couldn’t make up this dialogue.

Zac: "Mom, you're psychic! I knew it!"
Pam: "Yep!"
Zac: "Did I get that in the genes?"
Pam: "We'll have to wait and see. It only manifests itself after you give birth."

Tim: "I don't know where the hip flexor is."

Pam: "I don't either. I think it's around the hip. Where it flexes."

Nate: "A concert is terrible for a first date."
Cati: "Yeah, you can't even hear each other."
Zac: "But you can smell each other, which is important."

Tim: "I'm not very good at sleeping in."
Zac: "I'm really good at it. It's one of my best hobbies. I'm trying to figure out how to monetize it."

Megan: "This gum is awful."
Pam: "I know! Will you bring me some?"

Cati: "I saw a guy who works for Cheez-It at Walmart today."
Megan: "What?! There's a whole company for that?!"

Nate: "I just started getting hot and sweaty. What is wrong with me?"
Cati: "Menopause."

Tim: "I just don't understand how to fix it."
Nate: "Well, Dad, the answers to all of life's questions are found on Google."

Jack: "I woke up on the wrong side of the bed."
Cati: "Yep, he rolled right over me and got up."

Tim: "I seem to be having trouble warming up today."
Nate: "You mean, like physically?"
Tim: "Yeah."
Nate: "How come?"
Tim: "I think it's because I'm cold."

Tim: "I'm supposed to be a Boy Scout leader, which is funny. Blind leading blind."
Cati: "Into camps with fires."
Tim: "That's totally the fun part."

Zac: "How do we get there?" 
Pam: "Go until you can't go any further on this road, and then take a left or a right."

Tim: "You do know that you're cute and feminine, right?"
Cati: "Yes, but I also play with brains."

Ammon: "I just saw your mom get pulled over."
Nate: "Yup! She had drugs and a dead body in the back."
Ammon: "Of course. She always struck me as that kind of lady. It's always the quiet ones."

Jack: "Will you marry me?"
Cati: "Yes."